Should I wait until I am settled to get married?
Finish the degree. Get settled. Get the salary up. Then marry.
You are twenty four and you want to get married. Everybody has the same advice. Wait. Finish the degree. Get settled first. Get the salary up.
Some of that is sensible. A lot of it is fear, handed down by people who mean well.
What does Islam say about waiting to marry?
Nabi ﷺ spoke to young people directly: whoever among you is able to marry, should marry. And whoever is not able should fast, because it helps them stay chaste.
Notice the test. Able. Not rich, not settled, not finished with every plan. Able.
Isn't marriage a cost I should wait until I can afford?
That advice treats marriage like a car. Something you pay for once you can afford it.
Nabi ﷺ said this whole world is provision, and the best provision in it is a righteous spouse. Provision means something you are given for the journey, not a bill you grow into.
The Quran goes further. It tells the community to marry off the single people among them, and says: if they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty.
And Nabi ﷺ named three people Allah has taken it on Himself to help. One of them is the person who marries to stay chaste.
Nobody wakes up ready. Most people become ready because they had to be.
How do I know if I'm not ready, or just not rich?
This does not mean marry with nothing and hope for the best. Two people with no income and no plan will find out quickly that love does not pay rent.
But be honest about which one you actually are.
Not ready means you cannot hold down a job, you cannot control your temper, or you cannot be straight about money. Fix that first. None of it has anything to do with your salary.
Not rich just means not rich. Most marriages in history started there. If what you are really saving for is the wedding, read what a nikah actually needs. It is far less than people think.
What does marriage teach you?
Marriage will show you things about yourself you have managed to avoid for twenty five years. How selfish you actually are. How badly you take criticism. How much of your good mood depended on nobody needing anything from you.
That is not a warning. That is the good part. It is one of the fastest ways a person grows up, and there is no shortcut to it.
What to do
- Work out honestly which one you are: not ready, or not rich. They need completely different answers.
- Fix the character problem before the money problem. The money problem gets easier with a partner. The character problem does not.
- Talk to couples who married young and did fine. You will hear a very different story from the one going around.
- Make a real plan with real numbers. Hoping it works out is not trust in Allah. Neither is being scared of it.
What not to do
- Do not wait to feel ready. That feeling does not arrive on a Tuesday. You decide first, and then you become ready.
- Do not marry somebody to stop being lonely. That is a lot to ask of a person on their first day.
- Do not let people who are unhappy in their own marriage decide the timing of yours.
One last thing
Allah did not say if they are rich, let them marry. He said if they are poor, He will enrich them.
This week, write down honestly what is actually stopping you. If it is character, start on it. If it is only money, talk to your family about a simple nikah.
Source: Sahih al-Bukhari 5065; Sahih Muslim 1467; Quran 24:32; Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1655 (hasan)
SM
These are my own opinions, based on what I have seen and what I have been through. It is completely fine for you to see it differently. If you want to talk about anything in this post, write to me at salam@sunnahdaily.com.
For a ruling on your own situation, please speak to a qualified local scholar. You are welcome to email me about it as well, and I will help if I can, or point you to someone who can.